And in the death of her reputation, she truly felt alive.” – Taylor Swift
I rarely post anything too intimate or personal on my blog, but in the past school year & specifically these past few months, I experienced waves of highs and lows. There were times when I felt so loved and adored, and believed everything in my life was great. But there were also moments where I had never felt so low, insecure and “not good enough”.
I went in and out of toxic relationships and friendships. I also cared so much about my reputation and how people saw me, that I let it consume me. I compromised the value of my own self-worth because of the words and actions of others. I wondered “maybe if I was prettier or smarter or more interesting, would this have still happened?” As issues piled up on me, I let myself feel defeated, to the point where I questioned if my blog was even worth posting on (and if anyone would even be willing to listen to me).
Thankfully, I have friends who forced me out of this mindset, who stopped me from listening to too many sad songs (which led me to bump Cardi B.’s album over and over again until I forgot why I was upset in the first place), and encouraged me to find my self-worth again, rather than dwell on how others saw me. They also made me realize that I need to write, because with this blog, I have created a platform for myself to speak and be listened to especially when I feel silenced by everyone else.
I am now learning that despite feeling delicate and fragile at times, I have the power to push myself forward and start again. We break, but can be rebuilt. We fall apart and stitch ourselves back together, gathering new and improved pieces along the way. Contrary to what I believed a few weeks ago, our reputation and the opinions of others is not what holds us together.
I’m unsure what my reputation is, but I know my worth and that is what truly matters. Here are some reminders to affirm yourself with if you ever feel “not good enough” or forget that you are worthy of so much more.
1) Self-worth comes from within.
Your worth is not determined or measured by others. Another person’s inability to see your value is not a reflection of you. If someone is making you feel insecure or causes you to question your worth, it just proves that you two are either not meant for each other or they just do not know you. You get to decide your own worth and have the power to choose and accept what you deserve. If you don’t believe in yourself or put yourself first, how can you expect others to? Which brings me to my next reminder…
2) Fill yourself with self-love, and everything else will fall into place.
Always, always, always start by focusing on you. You are whole, with or without the words anyone else tell you. Sure it feels great to be told you are special or pretty or important, but it’s not healthy to only believe it if it’s coming from someone else. You attract what you think you deserve, so focus on becoming the absolute best version of yourself.
“Fill yourself up with love. Become a whole being on your own.
Go on adventures, fall asleep in the woods with friends, wander around the city at night, sit in a coffee shop on your own, write on bathroom stalls, leave notes in library books, dress up for yourself, give to others, smile a lot.
Live for yourself and be happy on your own.” – Emery Allen
3) Respect yourself enough to walk away from things, people, and places that do not grow you or serve you.
You’re ruining your own self-worth by refusing to recognize, accept, and remove yourself from situations where you aren’t receiving the love you wish to receive. Staying in a toxic relationship, whether it’s romantic or a friendship, shows that you do not believe you deserve or could do better. Do yourself a favor and keep your standards high. Never settle for anything that constantly makes you feel drained, causes you to make excuses for, or serves absolutely no purpose for you. If you aren’t growing, you’re moving in the wrong direction and need to walk away.
4) Be patient and forgiving with yourself.
Self-worth, self-care, and self-love are all slow processes. They aren’t linear paths, nor do they come with simple steps you could follow. Finding and rebuilding your self-worth again is easier said than done, and requires you to be accepting and forgiving of your self. Learn to accept all of the things that happened to you, all of the words that broke you, and all of the actions that made you stumble in the first place. Forgive yourself for mistakes you made along the way and stop blaming yourself for the actions of others. No more questioning why these things happened or wondering how you could have prevented them.
5) You are enough.
Speak it into existence. Write it over and over again until you believe it. If you’re unhappy, you should find ways to fix it, but do not ever let anyone else make you feel like you are not good enough or worth it.